October is Autism Acceptance Month in Canada. Read about what acceptance means to parent and caregiver, Niki.

Acceptance. The gold standard of disability parenting. The star which we all shoot for, but what does it really mean?  

When my son Brody was diagnosed with Autism in June of 2011, not much emphasis was placed on the acceptance part, it was more about the “rush” to help him before he turns five and not “miss” that window.  

Spoiler alert! There is no window and I cannot “rush” Brody through learning anything, ever.  

Now the farther I get from diagnosis day, the more I get this type of question.  

How did you come to accept Brody’s diagnosis? What helped you develop your acceptance? 

What I have come to understand is that acceptance isn’t about our kids, it’s not about their diagnosis, it’s not about what they can and cannot do, and it’s certainly not about posting memes or inspirational quotes one month of the year. Acceptance is bigger than our kids and their diagnosis.  

For me, acceptance is the ability to take life on life’s terms.  

Whether that be a relationship ending, financial struggles, personal difficulties or a child’s diagnosis. Acceptance is the ability to take life’s surprises as they come and not get stuck in the “what if” game.  

Acceptance is the acknowledgment that although you may not have “picked” these cards for your life, you do have an obligation to play the heck out of them.  

Once you have developed deep acceptance for all life has to offer, it’s like a pair of magic glasses that come with rules. You can never take them off. You never see things as they are supposed to be, you see things as they are and you can never force anybody else to wear those glasses.  

Which is why acceptance isn’t something we can force on people. We can model it, we can encourage it, we can even develop tip sheets to help with it, but true acceptance comes from a deeper place within a person’s mind and heart. They must get there on their own time and in their own way if they are going to get there at all. 

Acceptance is understanding that life is made up of experiences; good, bad and indifferent and that difficulties are not a punishment but rather experiences that provide an opportunity to grow as a person.  

My Dad had a saying that sticks with me to this day. He would say, “Would you have me any other way Nik” and I would answer no every single time. That is exactly how I feel about my son. I wouldn’t have him any other way and that is what true acceptance looks like for me.  

Article written by: Niki Huxtable